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The Dork Legacy 1.3

Previously, on The Dork Legacy:



Dunno why I took this. But it's a nice picture.

Tara's a good mommy. Even though she's about to pass out, she still changes the babies...

And even takes the time to drop them back onto the mats before passing out.

UGH FINALLY. Let's get to work on that LTW.

Tara defies the laws of physics to clean out the fishtank.

I just can't stop giggling at this shot.

Whatcha painting?

Caed: My D&D character, Tsolomon.

D&D doesn't actually exist in The Sims, you know.

Caed: .......*aspirational failure*

Oh, look, a toddler. Where did that come from?

Tara: It's Drizzt. You were in the bathroom.

Oh. Yay, ears!

And true to character, I see.

Here's Einstein! More ears!

This is Willoughby. She has the ears, too! 3/3 = WIN!

Playing favourites, I see.

This is cute even despite the horrid Toddler Teeth, which are my favoured enemy.

lawl potty face

Willoughby is pretty cute.

And so is Drizzt.

"Maybe if I hold him real close, I'll start glowing, too!"

Hula time! Seriously, the hula has saved her and Caed both from aspirational failure a couple of times.

But to get Tara a bit more in the green, I send her out to...make...friends.

Tara: Hey buddy, don't be a stranger!

Jenna Hollmo: But...I AM a stranger...

I guess I went a little overboard on the voodoo doll. >.>


Tara: So I totally have a bunch a best friends!


Random Dude: I wish *I* could be her friend...

So I maybe I tried the voodoo doll again! So what!

Aww, he really does love her.

Much more than he loves little Drizzt, who is stuck playing out here in the middle of the night by himself.

Tara had a mysterious glitch where she became inexplicably thin, despite having fitness bottomed out.

...Man, wish I could glitch like that.

At some point it occurred to me that I could change Drizzt's hair colour to be more accurate. So I did.

Caedmon got a promotion, but makes up for it by still being a fatty.

Another promotion?! Caedmon, how do you plan to explain this WIN? You and I have some talking to do.

In the meantime, a picture of Willoughby eating.


Caedmon started to worry about the house, so I tried sending him out for an affair.

I'm sure you know what I'm going to caption this one. So I'm not gonna.

I guess she likes her men voluptuous.

And then this was the farthest they got, because she had to go to class. >.> Bitch.

At some point I noticed that Caedmon also had a voodoo doll. So I used it.

Satisfied with not actually having gotten any, Caedmon comes home to sit in his daughter's room, next to a Venerable Elder Purple Dragon.

"Oh, God...this is disgusting."


Poor Tara. Three kids really takes it out of you.

But, shining star that she is, she still makes it to work on time.

Aw, how ~*romantic*~.

Caedmon: Oh the ungodly pain! This is easily as difficult as defeating the sixth Colossus!

Yeah, well, sorry, but you need to get thin to keep our ratings up.

Caed: Hey...I actually feel really good!

See? I told you.

Caed: Good enough to eat a bunch of grilled cheese.


I changed Willoughby's hair, and now she is the grumpiest Christmas Elf.


Tara brought Albert Doe home with her from work. Oddly enough, he's not even in the same career track.

Synchronizing facial expression with excited gesticulation. Status: Critical Fail.

This just made me giggle.

Toddler dance time!


I fixed him.

Drizzt grew up ignored, but when Willoughby grows up, EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE ran into the room to watch.

And for good reason! That's some good old-fashioned adorable right there! She is as cute as a baby Gizka.

Einstein also grew up, but by that time everyone was all birthdayed out, so only his sister witnessed it. I'm sensing some definite favouritism.

Happy birthday, Einstein.

In other news:


I want this bed so hard. I seriously do.

As if you needed more proof of Caedmon and Tara's twu wuv. Or the fact that I play with cutaway walls.

Best portrait wall ever.

If you ever lay awake at night wondering what Drow wear for pajamas...wonder no more.

Einstein got a makeover. Looks pretty much the same. He's adorable, but my least favourite of the three.

Just another picture of Willoughby being my favourite cute.

Oh, yeah, this want was in his panel from childhood day 1. Worst Drow ever. Bet he rolls Family.

Willoughby takes after her mom.

Willough: This is a painting of my daddy's other friend. And a fire, because I want her to die.


Just so that you know that sim kids actually sometimes do play with the right toy correctly. Instead of making the horse fly around like a spaceship.

Best friends, guys! This update is getting so boring that I want to cry.

So let's spice things up a little. And I do mean a little. Note invisible newspaper!


I had to sell a bunch of stuff to buy them a car so Caedmon wouldn't miss work. >.> It's a snazzy bike.

And now...The Reign of the Nanny.

"Oh, hello fishy fishy! Good fishy!"

To be fair, she did put away a single toy. Only one of the three that were on the floor, though.

Only moments after the nanny arrived, Tara came home with a promotion.

We bought Caedmon the bass he's always wanted.

What do you mean I never told you he wanted one?

Well, he has. Almost constantly since the beginning.

I'm sure there was a reason for this picture.


Hey, I'm not the one who told you to play chess until 2am.

The old baby room is now the family creativity room.

i peyntd a priddy picher.

I'd like to point out the numerous things wrong with this picture.

1. She has a fear of Drizzt dying. Can't kids not die?
2. She has a fear of some random kid dying. Who the hell is this kid?

Willoughby: I love you Daddy!
Caedmon: Suck up.
Willoughby: What?
Caedmon: I said I love you, too.

Go Drizzt! This actually happened by accident. It's just that playing chess is all he does. Seriously.

Like mother, like son.

Also, Drow like to splash in puddles in their pink bear foot pajamas.

Fishing party!

Drizzt: The fish I caught was huge!
Willough and Ein: (in unison) No, it wasn't.

That was awfully nice of them to say. He hadn't even caught ANYTHING yet.

That's it, young lady. I'm changing your name to Winoughby.

"But I don't want a boot."

...Oh, Caedmon.

"It is mathematically unlikely that we would both fish up a boot at the same time."

"And I told my baby I loved her...loved her more than a Ferengi loves his money..."

So Tara was busy calling EVERYONE she knew (which is like 18 people >.>), trying for her LTW, when the following happened:

What a bitch! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB.

In case you were wondering whether Willoughby is still painting constantly. She doesn't even change out of her jammies. Why did I buy them all dressers? I ask you!

"I wanna be fat, just like daddy!"

Yeah, fat again. >.<

"I so tired. wut u do when tired?"

If only you had a bed.

And we'll end this update with a picture full of puddles. Riveting.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 27th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
:DD Well, thank you so much!
Jan. 4th, 2009 12:45 am (UTC)
i read it
i'm just saying.
i'm sureyou know ppl reaad this. but
i'm sure you like to be reminded.
Jan. 4th, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)
Thank you! I do like to be reminded. <3 Glad you enjoyed it!
Sep. 17th, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Oh my freak
Holy freedom fries, this is quite easily the funniest thing I've ever read in my whole life!! Right from the blow job thing at the beginning, I have been rushing to the computer to read this legacy every day. You have got to be the most hilarious person I know (don't get too excited, my family are the spawn of Satan). The funniest part is that you don't make it sound like you thought it was funny, because you never write 'lol' or anything. After reading this, I SO need to make a legacy.
Mar. 6th, 2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
wow what a big lot but where do u get the skin its so real looking and i love it

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )